Three and a Half Saiyans
by Xenonwing
Summary: Chichi cracks and wishes Bardock and Raditz back to life. She sends Goku and Goten to live with them. KidGoku13's work, but I'm continuing it.
1. Chichi's Breakdown

**Author's Note: **Hello folks! Welcome to my third story! Well, it actually ain't mine; the first two chapters belong to '**KidGoku13**'. She was outta ideas, and had abandoned it. But I'm continuing it. Chapter 3 and onwards will be mine… except for a few edits I made in the first two.

-

**Three and a Half Saiyans**

**Chapter 1**

**Chichi's Breakdown**

"GOKU! I'VE HAD IT! I can't take all of the stress anymore! Go somewhere else for a little while so I can cool down!" Chi-chi cries.

"But Chichi, I don't have anywhere to go!" Goku explained.

"I've already thought about that, and have gathered the Dragon Balls. Now then, ARISE SHENRON!" she summons.

**I can grant 2 wishes, and only 2. Make them now.**

"I wish Goku's brother was alive and had a home!" Chi-chi commands.

**And the other...**

"I wish Goku's father was alive and was with his brother!" she requests.

**So be it...**

Goku just stands there, jaw on the floor. "Chichi...?"

"What?! You heard the dragon! Get out and go live with your family! And take Goten with you!" she demands.

_I can't believe it! She just wished back my long lost brother AND father!_ Goku thinks, as he gets Goten, and the two stand at the door.

"I love you, Goten. You can come back here on weekends, but mommy's been really stressed out lately, and needs a lot of alone time, okay?" Chichi says nicely as she kisses her second born son on the forehead.

"Okay mom!" Goten replies, knowing she won't stay mad for too long. Goku and Chi-chi always had a way of making up.

* * *

_**At Raditz's and Bardock's new Beach House...**_

"What the-? Where am I?!" Raditz shouts, appearing from thin air. Suddenly, Bardock pops up too.

"Where am I?! I was about to eat!" Bardock exclaims, "Raditz?"

"Father? You too?" Raditz asks.

"You look a lot different than you used too!" Bardock points out.

"I was 13 when you last saw me, Father! You don't look a bit different." Raditz says.

* * *

_**Flying overhead...**_

_I know! I should sense out their ki! Wait! I don't know what their ki signatures are! Well, maybe I should look for something like mine! Chichi did wish my dad back... _Goku thought as he flew with Goten on his back.

"Dad, are you and mom gonna make up soon?" Goten asked, sadly.

"I don't know. She blew up in my face this time. And worse than usual, she's never made me leave home before...But we always do end up okay in the end, so don't worry!" Goku answered. "Hey! I found it! I hope..."

"Found what, dad?"

"I found an energy signature similar to my own!"

"Why do you need to find that?"

"Chichi wished Raditz and my long lost father back." Goku explained. Goten had the same look Goku did when she made the wish. Goku goes in for a landing at a small house on the beach.

"Hello? Anybody in there?"

"Who is that?" Raditz asked.

"You think I would know? I'll check." Bardock says as he goes over to the door. "Kakarot?!"

"Who are you? You look just like me! Apart from the eyes and the scar and the skin, I guess…" Goku asked.

"If you're Kakarot, which I can tell from the clothes and that hairstyle that you probably are, I'm your father." He explained, nonchalantly.

"WHAT?! So, Chichi really DID bring you back..." He exclaims.

"Who's Chichi?" Bardock asks.

"My wife."

"WHAT?! The second time I meet my second son he already has a WIFE!" Bardock yells in shock.

"Hello." Goten replies from behind his father's leg.

"AND A SON!?" Bardock continues.

"Two, actually..." Goku murmurs.

"WHOA! That is messed up." Bardock finishes his yelling.

"Father, what's all the yelling about..." Raditz says as he approaches. "Kakarot?!"

"Raditz! Are you going to try to take over the world again?" Goku asks, not expecting him to be there, even though Chichi wished it.

"No, thank you. I was sent to HFIL after green man killed me, so I've changed my ways, because I don't feel like going back down there... EVER! Do you know why we're here?" Raditz says.

"Actually, yeah." Goku explains it all, and then, of course, Bardock lets him stay.

_**TO BE CONTINUED… **_**NEXT CHAPTER: RADITZ FALLS IN LOVE!**


	2. Raditz Falls in Love

**Dragon Ball Z**

**Three and a Half Saiyans**

_Raditz Falls in LOVE!_

Goten wakes up the next day to...urinate...and hears someone in the kitchen. He knows that no one is up yet, besides him, so he goes to check it out. He sees a woman with a tail and a muscular build starting to make breakfast.

"Who are you?" he asks, taking a fighting stance.

"I'm Celera, the maid who works here." the woman replies.

"I'm Goten. Are you a Saiyan?" he replies, easing up.

"Why do you ask?" she questioned.

"Well, you have a tail." the little boy pointed out to her.

"So, Saiyans are people with tails?" she asked, moving hers.

"Yeah, but mine was cut off when I was born." Goten sighed.

"So you're one of these Saiyan thingies, too?" she says, and Bardock comes walking into the room, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"Hello. Who are you?" he asked, not noticing her tail yet.

"I'm Celera, the maid." she smiles at him.

"That sounds like a Saiyan name..." Bardock says, and then sees her tail, "Oh, I see."

"What's your name?" she questioned.

"Bardock," Just then, Goku came in and sat down.

"Hi! I'm Goku." he says.

"Kakarot, Giving out your name like that would get you killed if you weren't a Saiyan, you know!" Bardock warns.

"Yeah, but I am... Besides, it's not my Saiyan name, you just said my Saiyan name." he replies.

"Oh darn!" Bardock smacks his hand on his head.

"I'm Celera, the maid who was assigned to work here a few years ago, nice to meet you all. Are there any others?" she introduced herself, while bowing.

"Yeah, my older son Raditz lives here too." Bardock said as Raditz walks in, "Speak of the devil!" Bardock comments.

"Hello father," he says, and then he sees Celera and falls backwards. "She's HOT!" he murmurs.

"Where did I go wrong with him...?" Bardock says, as he puts his hand over his face.

"Can I help you up? You must be Raditz!" Celera offers as she comes over to him.

"The pretty little angel knows my name daddy!" Raditz says in a...odd...voice.

"Um..." she walks back over to continue her cooking.

"Get up, you lazy bum!" Bardock commands.

"Yes, father." he says, drooling.

"What's wrong with Raditz?" Goku asked innocently.

"To tell you the truth, too many things to count," Bardock replied, rolling his eyes. Raditz didn't hear him, though. He was busy with...other things. "Raditz, Snap out of it!!"

"Eh? Why? She's a Saiyan too! She's one of us!" Raditz whined.

"You're freaking us out, that's why. Now wipe the drool off your face." Bardock explained.

"Okay..." Raditz complained.

"Are you okay Uncle Raditz?" Goten questioned.

"Yeah, kid." he says, _But I think I'm in love..._

"Ai, ai, ai..." Bardock groans. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" Goku asked.

"Your first born, who else?!" Gohan called

"Oh! It's Gohan!" Goten cried gleefully. "Come in big brother!"

"Hey dad, mom told be she needed some alone time, so I tracked you down." Gohan says, holding Pan on his shoulders.

"Oh, hey Gohan!" Goku called, "Hey Pan!"

"Who are you?" Bardock asked, ignoring his youngest son.

"I'm Gohan Son. Who are you?" he asked.

"Bardock… Kakarot's father." he smirked.

"What? You've got to be kidding! That makes you my grandfather!" Gohan exclaimed.

"Daddy, can I play with Uncle Goten?" Pan asked.

"Sure." Gohan replied.

"WHAT?! So, my son, who this is the second time I've met him, has a wife, two sons, AND a grandkid?! God, I feel old!" Bardock yells.

"That about sums it up." Gohan said in that know-it-all voice he has at times. Raditz comes around the corner with a beer, still a little bit dazed from Celera.

"RADITZ?!" Gohan exclaimed.

"Do I know you?" Raditz asked.

"I'm your nephew! Gohan! Ring a bell? You kidnapped me...?" he explained, trying to jog his memory.

"AH! Don't let him hurt me daddy!" Raditz squealed, jumping into Bardock's arms.

"What the-" Bardock said, as he dumped Raditz into the floor, "GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!"

"Sorry father..." Raditz says, ashamed.

"What did he do to scare you?" Bardock asks.

"When I was a child, he kidnapped me, but I injured him pretty badly." Gohan says, proudly.

"Hurt by a KID, Raditz?" Bardock smirks.

"He had a power level of 710- and it rose to 1317! My power level was only 1200!" Raditz tried to make excuses.

"710? Never doubt one of your own bloodline, Raditz! Haven't I taught you that yet?" Bardock says.

"Yes, father..."

"I'm getting to old for this..." Bardock says, face in hand once again.

"But you've been dead for a long time! You haven't aged a bit!" Raditz argues.

"How old are you?" Goku asks.

"42." Bardock murmurs.

"42? I'm older than you!" Goku exclaims. "I'm 48!"

"That..." Bardock says, "Is messed up!"

"You're older than your own dad, Goku?" Celera asks.

"It looks that way. Chi-chi would get a kick out of that, if only she was here..." Goku sighed.

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

* * *

**Author's Note (s)**

Well, that's KidGoku13's work. Read her other stories if you haven't yet, her 'Cross Ways' is pretty neat. Anyway, next chapter is from me, so you can start posting reviews now.

- Gagawop and Mirai-Veggie love you!


	3. Food Problems

**Dragon Ball Z**

**Three and a Half Saiyans**

_Food Problems_

The next day, Goten was sad about his parents being separated. So he thought maybe he should make a plan or something to get them back together. But he wasn't bright enough, and he knew it.

"Who can help me?" he asked himself. Trunks' picture came up in his head, but was quickly replaced by an atomic bomb explosion. Goten shuddered, "No way! God knows what he'll do!"

Then he got the perfect idea, "Gohan! That's it!" he exclaimed. He got up and went out the beach house.

"FLYING NIMBUS!" He hopped on the cloud and went off to Gohan's place.

* * *

Meanwhile, Raditz was following Celera around… pretty much everywhere, but she was either avoiding him or was too naïve to notice. To Raditz, the second option was his only hope.

"I somehow need to catch her attention. Maybe I'll ask Father, he was _married_ to my mother."

Raditz stopped following Celera for once, which was a miracle in itself, and went onto the beach. It was fairly empty for an Earth place of vacation. _Kakarot must've scared 'em away_. He got there and... his jaw dropped, literally.

Both Goku and his father were sparring, and _both _had blond hair, and green eyes.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU DYE YOUR HAIR! I TOLD YOU FATHER TO NOT BUY THAT EARTHLY 'FASHION MAGAZINE', WHATEVER THAT IS. AND WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET STRONG ENOUGH GLUE TO MAKE SAIYAN HAIR UPRIGHT!!"

"Whoa calm down Raditz!" Goku exclaimed while his hair and eyes went back to their normal color and style. Bardock did the same, included his tail.

"WHAT THE!? IS THIS SOME SORT OF TRICK!! HOW DID YOU CHANGE BACK! I DEMAND TO KNOW THIS TRICKERY THIS INSTA-!" Raditz couldn't finish, because Bardock knocked him out.

"That wasn't very nice. We should have at least told him about the Super Saiyan!" Goku whined naïvely.

"He's had too much of Frieza's influence. I guess I'll have to teach him to sense Power Levels too." Bardock said, he picked up Raditz. _And how the hell did he know I actually bought that 'Fashion Magazine' despite his insistence of Saiyan Pride!? He was trespassing in my room! That does it!_

Bardock threw Raditz's unconscious body down on the ground, downside up. Raditz' skull on the other hand, was too thick to wake up with a bump.

"Just 12 more minutes, Nappa." Raditz whined and started snoring. Immediately, Bardock went Super Saiyan, brought his face close to Raditz's ear and yelled, "WAKE UP OR YOU WON'T GET DINNER TONIGHT, YOU FURBALL!!"

"I'm up, I'm up!" Raditz woke up.

"HOW DID YOU GET IN MY ROOM? DO HAVE THAT MAGAZINE!"

"It was kind of a lame piece of writing really. Children's bedtime stories? Jokes and what not? These Earth scum call that stuff Fashion? Clearly father, Earth has made you into that child that mom used to complain so much about!"

"You know Raditz, that's no way to talk to your father!" Goku said scoldingly.

"Shut up, Kakarot! Obviously, its you who has been corrupting father. Now he can change his hair color at will!"

"It was the transformation to Super Saiyan, Raditz!" Bardock scolded.

"WHAT?!" Raditz's jaw dropped, again.

"DINNER IS SERVED!" Celera called.

"HELLO!" All three replied at the same time. They were all about to run off when Bardock grabbed Raditz's ear, "You're not getting any for trespassing!" He said.

"But it was made by the pretty little angel that knew my name before I told her daddy. I have to enjoy it!"

THUMP!

Raditz was out cold again. Bardock grinned evilly, "Bwahahaha! Now I get his share of food!"

"Not while I'm around!' Goku did the son grin, went Super Saiyan, and dashed into the Beach House at Super Speed. Bardock did the same, "Oh no you don't! This is your father's order!"

"I'm OLDER than my father! Why should I follow his orders?" Goku said.

"Crap…" Bardock sighed.

Goku got the food, but he let his guard down. Bardock snatched it. But he too let his guard down, and Goku snatched it back, and Instant Transmissioned out of there.

"What the?" Bardock gasped.

"Well, since your not eating, Bardock!" Celera sat down on the table, and munched Bardock's food up, eating twice as fast as the Saiyan Brothers (Goku and Raditz) combined. Bardock had a whole Tsunami of sweat drops!

"That's not an appropriate way of eating young lady!" Bardock scolded and was about grab the last plate that was left, when Goten came in through the window on the nimbus and snatched it away. "It's a long way to Gohan's!" he exclaimed happily, finished the entire food in one bite, and went back out the other window!

"I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I WAS JUST ROBBED OUT OF MY OWN FOOD, IN MY OWN HOUSE!!"

_**TO BE CONTINUED… **_**NEXT CHAPTER: PAN THE DEVIOUS!**


	4. Pan the Devious

**Dragon Ball Z**

**Three and a Half Saiyans**

_Pan the Devious_

Goten was now going over to Capsule Corp. for a visit. He'd asked Gohan about Chichi and Goku's separation, but he just said that it was their problem and they should solve it themselves. Goten was disappointed, but he agreed. He found out that Uub, Pan and Marron were at Trunks' place. So he was going there too.

He landed in the garden and saw Bra and Marron having a tea party. They hadn't noticed him. He walked over. Then, they noticed him.

"Oh hey, Goten!" Marron said.

"Yeah, hey!" Bra said.

"Hey, yourself!" Goten replied, "So, where are the others?"

"You mean Uub, Pan and Trunks. Beats us, they went inside. Pan wanted to play with Trunks' toys. What does she see in them? All he has are stupid dolls, a laptop, a big red bag which he calls his 'Bag of Tricks' and some other stupid stuff!" Bra snorted.

"Hey! They aren't dolls! They're action figures! There's a difference!"

"Yeah, suuuuure!" Marron laughed.

"Hey Goten, we're going to play dress-up after this. Want to join us?" Bra asked. Goten fell down in a _perfect _anime-style.

"NO THANKS! I don't want to become a Barbie!"

"Okay, then we'll make you a prince!" Bra replied, not catching on, like Marron.

"You are clearly still a child," Goten said, trying to mimic Bardock's style of scolding Raditz, "Sorry I guess I'll just find Uub, Pan and Trunks!" As he was leaving, Goten called back to them, "Why don't you find Uncle Vegeta and make him a Prince. He is one, after all!"

"That's a great idea, Goten!" Bra replied, again not catching on. They finished their tea and went to find Vegeta.

"Oh, boy! Wait a second. Uncle Vegeta actually likes Bra, so he'll do anything for his daughter, but that means…" Goten fell-down anime style again and started laughing. "I… got…to tell Trunks… about this… and Bulma too… Can't… wait… to see… Vegeta… in a… costume," He exclaimed between laughs. He went inside to find Trunks and Pan.

* * *

Goten found them Bulma's Lab, messing with stuff. Suddenly Trunks and Pan barged out of the room, followed by Uub who had a Milky Way Chocolate Bar in his hands, with contraptions and identical smirks on their faces. Goten knew that smirk.

"All right! What are you two up to?" he asked.

"Oh Goten! Just what I needed! My right-hand man! You see, me and Pan here are going to play a trick on my sister and Marron!"

"What?" Goten asked.

"I tried to stop 'em. But _no, '_don't listen to the re-incarnated Majin Buu!' Man, I wish I still had my chocolate ability!" Uub complained half because he wanted to turn Trunks and Pan into chocolate, and half because he just finished his Bar.

"Trunks…" Goten glared.

"What? It wasn't my idea, it was Pan's!" Trunks replied, who after Goten's glare had started cowering in a corner. Goten looked at Uub, who nodded, and then stared at Pan with a confused look on his face.

"Yeah! I did think of it! How dare they say that I'm 'weird'! Just because I don't like tea-parties doesn't mean I'm weird!" Pan replied. Goten looked at Uub. He pulled him closer and whispered, "Well, she's only four years old. She couldn't be half as bad as Trunks, now could she?"

Uub thought about it for a minute, and then smiled and nodded. Goten also told about Vegeta's future problems to the others, but Trunks told him that his father had gone into space for training. "But don't worry," Trunks said, "When Bra gets on something, she doesn't leave until she gets it. As soon as father comes back, I'll call you, and we'll take a picture of him in that costume and show it to every Z Fighter we know!" Every one snickered evilly at that comment.

* * *

_**Later…**_

Bra and Marron were running around in the garden, covered with chicken feathers and being constantly followed by a whole army of Bulma's robot maids, who were saying, "_Dirt, dirt, must clean dirt!"_

Trunks and Pan were on the ground laughing, while Goten and Uub were staring wide-eyed.

"Um… Goten, what were you saying?" Uub asked non-chalantly.

"Correction, she's _twice_ as bad as Trunks!" Goten exclaimed.

"Bulma and Videl are gonna be pissed!" Uub said.

"Y' know, it's times like these that I actually _thank_ God for giving mom the idea of letting me stay with dad." Goten replied.

* * *

_**A couple of weeks later…**_

Since they needed money, Raditz, Goku and Bardock went started working. Raditz and Goku worked in some local fast food joint, while Bardock became a Gym Teacher in Orange Star Junior High. It was the same school in which all the Z-Kids (Goten, Trunks, and Uub etc.) went.

* * *

_**Staff room…**_

"I heard we're getting a new Gym Teacher today!" One fat male teacher said. He was the math teacher.

"I just hope he's CUTE!" a female teacher said, with hearts in her eyes.

"Shut up!" the female science teacher shouted at the other one, "Just don't chase this one away, or the Principal will chase you away!" Then, Bardock entered the room.

"I'll show you!" she replied to the science teacher. As soon as Bardock sat down, she came up and sat in his lap.

"Hey there. Tell the science teacher Miss Jane that I don't scare you, please."

"Uh… actually, you scare me more than I was scared of Frieza when I was a little kid..." Bardock murmured, but said the Frieza part under his breath.

"The name's Miss Tammy, but you can call me Tammy, or honey, or dear…' she said in a voice similar to Raditz' when he first saw Celera.

"I hate this planet!" Bardock commented as he pushed Tammy off of him.

_**TO BE CONTINUED… **_


	5. Work Day

**Dragon Ball Z**

**Three and a Half Saiyans**

**Chapter 5: Work Day**

Raditz and Goku had started working at a Local Fast Food Joint named Burger Palace, while Bardock became a Gym Teacher in Orange Star Junior High. Right now, Raditz was giving a kid his Kiddy Meal.

"Here ya go brat! And here's your change!" Raditz said as he handed the kid some money, "And remember to come back to Burger Palace, where the customer is always right!" Raditz exclaimed.

The kid counted his money, "Uh, Mr. Hairy Man, I think you're supposed to give me 10 Zenie more," he said.

"WELL YOU'RE WRONG! Now get out!" He exclaimed at the kid, and he ran out of their as fast as his legs could take him.

"Come again, soon!" Goku yelled happily from behind. He then turned to Raditz, "That's not very nice," he pouted.

"Who cares? God knows how many other Fast Food Joints the kid could've robbed with that lame excuse! You should thank me that I saw through his disguise!" Raditz announced.

"You've been hanging around with Yamcha again, haven't you?" Goku inquired, at which, Raditz let out a 'humph!".

"That and the fact that he called you 'Mr. Hairy Man', I don't blame him. Your hair even gives me nightmares. Maybe we should shave 'em off!"

At this, Raditz clenched his hair with his fists and ran into a corner. He glared at Goku and said, "Touch the hair, and your dead!" he exclaimed.

"I am! Well, I don't want to end up with King Kai and his stupid jokes again, so I'll just mind my own business," Goku said and went back to deal with another customer.

* * *

_**Orange Star Junior High…**_

Goten, Trunks, Uub, Pan, Bra and Marron headed out of their classroom as the bell rang.

"What class do we have next?" Trunks asked Goten.

"Gym!" Goten replied.

"Cool!" Uub replied, munching his 57th Chocolate of the day, "I heard we get a new Gym Teacher!"

"How can you eat that much Chocolate, and still maintain a good physique?" Bra asked, disgusted at Uub's actions.

"I am Majin Buu! I don't lose my physique!" Uub exclaimed.

"I get it!" Trunks said, "You eat the candy, and then you spiritually share it between yourself and Mr. Buu!"

"That's gross!" Bra put a hand on her mouth, "You mean to tell me that Mr. Buu steals candy from his stomach! Ugh!"

"He does not!" Uub shouted at Trunks and Bra.

"Oh yeah, I also heard that Mr. Satan had put Mr. Buu on a diet! I guess that's why you're eating more and more nowadays!" Goten pointed out.

By now, the kids had reached the Gym. Every one was surprised at the how muscular the new Gym Teacher was.

"Al right class!" Bardock announced, "I'll be your Gym Teacher, My name is Bardock!"

"Grandpa!" Goten yelled, causing every one to look at him. The guy was looked still in his 30s, so how the hell could the guy be Goten's Grandfather? The other kids thought. Trunks looked at him strangely too.

"Grandpa?" Trunks asked, "Isn't that your dad?"

"Well, if it isn't the grandson of mine who stole my dinner!" Bardock exclaimed.

"You still are going on about that! I said I was sorry!" Goten practically yelled. Bardock laughed, "It's all right kid, and I was just kiddin' ya!"

"Now, what are we supposed to do again?" Bardock thought. As he did, the other kids circled around Goten.

"He's your grandfather?" some random kid asked.

"Yeah, but don't think he's old. He's a lot stronger than most people get in their entire lives. Besides, he naturally doesn't age much,"

"Yeah, it's something about us? Even my father doesn't age much, nor does Goten's, or Pan's," Trunks said.

"Is that because your aliens?" another random kid asked.

"WHAT?!" Bra, Goten, Trunks, Uub, Marron and Bardock, who had them from his Saiyan hearing, yelled.

"H-how do you know that?" Bra asked.

"Oh, well Pan told us. Is it really true?" Every one looked at Pan.

"Oh, sorry, I have to go and be the Great Saiyagirl now! Bye!" She yelled and ran off.

"Why that little- Wait till Gohan finds out about this!" Goten muttered under his breath.

"Is it true?" the entire class chorused.

"NO!" Bardock yelled, "My great-granddaughter just likes to play tricks. We're humans, really. _I can't believe I'm calling myself one these weaklings. Only a few humans are strong, the others are just… well, can't say. Although, Raditz has taken a great liking to that Yamcha guy for some reason. Uh-oh, he better not be smuggling those Mushrooms!_" Bardock thought.

"Uh, are we gonna waste our Gym Lesson just by taking about aliens?" Marron asked.

"No! All right, make a team of two. We're going to play, 'SaiyaBall'!" Bardock announced.

* * *

_**TO BE CONTINUED: **_**NEXT CHAPTER: SAIYABALL Z!**


	6. SaiyaBall Z

**Dragon Ball Z**

**Three and a Half Saiyans**

**Chapter 6: SaiyaBall Z**

_**Back where Goku and Raditz were working…**_

"And here's your meal! Remember to come back here where the customer is always right!" Goku said happily, before thinking, "_and Raditz is always wrong!_"

Raditz on the other hand, had already left, saying that he had 'errands' to run. Goku suspected that Yamcha was involved.

* * *

_**In a Dark Alleyway… this wasn't too dark considering the fact that it was still daytime…**_

Two hooded figures approached each other. Both had two silver briefcases in their hands. One hood was orange while the other was brown.

"Have you brought the cash?" the orange hooded figure asked in a voice that could only be used among gangsters.

"It depends. Have you brought the merchandise?" the brown hooded figure replied in the same accent. The orange hooded figure gave the brown one his briefcase. The brown hooded figure did the same.

"You know, this is getting old… Raditz," The orange hooded figure said.

"I know… Yamcha," Raditz said, taking of his brown hood, "But father loves those old movies in which people do things like this mysteriously,"

"You mean smuggling? Bardock loves those kind of movies. But why do you have to?" Yamcha said, also taking off his hood.

Dum, dum, dum! Mystery solved!!

"Well, I'm just trying to follow in my father's footsteps," Raditz replied.

"You've been watching Disney again, haven't ya?" Yamcha smirked.

"SHUT IT!" Raditz said and went out of the Alleyway again.

As he did, Yamcha opened his briefcase and pulled out one of the hundreds of contents.

A burger…

…filled with Mushrooms.

Now, you didn't see that comin'… did ya?

He ate the fungus filled bread and went his way, but not before having his first hallucination.

And I can't tell you what. I _can_ tell you that it wasn't every 5-year-old's dreamland.

And here I thought my nightmares were bad.

* * *

_**School building…**_

The children had played a game called SaiyaBall. It was basically a game where you had to put the ball through a hoop, which was tied at the about an inch below the Gymnasium ceiling. And considering the multiples of extracurricular activities (Boy, the exams made me a crack job. I'm starting to use long words…) that happened in this Gym, it was a very high ceiling. And the ball was very small, about an inch bigger in diameter than a baseball.

The teams were: Trunks, Pan, Uub, Ricky, Mark, and Adam.

Captain was Trunks.

The second was: Son Goten, Marron, Bra, Jacob, Oram and Zack.

Captain was Goten.

Goten won. (Sorry folks, I'm gonna skip the game. I'm just too lazy to think right now.)

'Man'… or 'Woman' of The Match was Bra. She scored 59.

You didn't even see _that_ one coming! Ha!

Later, school went on like any other.

BRRRIIING!!

And with that, Son Goten was free. His grandfather had to stay for teacher's work. But he was free.

Wait… Bardock had to stay for teacher's work?

Poor Bardock… --

… Happy Birthday Ms. Tammy!

But Goten was free! Nothing could keep him from having the time of his life as he flew off towards his Beach house on the Nimbus…

/SPLAT/

Except for that bird dropping… on his head… BAD HAIR DAY!

* * *

_**Orange Star Junior… Teacher's Lounge…**_

"BARDOCK!" Ms. Tammy screamed and jumped into Bardock's arms bridal style.

Bardock made a face, "--"

He then threw her out the window. He then went Super Saiyan and readied a beam at her that he had invented just to annihalate her. Just as she landed on the ground, Bardock exclaimed "Tammy Death Cannon!" and shot his attack.

Then he turned to the other teacher who surprisingly had not noticed the small… or big predicament that had taken place. Bardock went out of Super Saiyan.

"Where's Tammy?" The principal asked.

"Well, she needed to take a little trip to the after life. Fasha was requesting to see her personally," Bardock smirked.

"I'LL GET YOU BARDOCK!!" a shout erupted from outside the window.

"Sweet mother of all that is crap! She survived a blast from a Super Saiyan!!" Bardock exclaimed.

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_


	7. The Miracles of a Frying Pan

**Dragon Ball Z**

**Three and a Half Saiyans**

**Chapter 7: The Miracles of a Frying Pan**

_**Chichi's place/Mt. Paoz…**_

The sound of water and natures creatures could be heard for miles. The peace and tranquility that this place held was so different that no one could disturb it at all.

"MOMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYY!"

Never mind.

With the cry that proved my previous little speech otherwise, the youngest son of Chichi Son (hey, that rhymes… sort of…) launched himself to hug his mother. Chichi was a little angry at her son for ruining her moment, but that all went away when she remembered that she hadn't seen him for a whole week.

"Aww, hi honey…" Chichi said as she hugged Goten.

"Hi mom! Are you and dad going to get together again, yet?"

At this, Chichi frowned, but faked a smile, "Of course we're going to get together Goten, but I need a little more alone time,"

Goten sighed and stopped hugging her mother. Chichi thought to quickly change the subject, "How about dinner?" At this, Goten's smiled so brightly, that it made anything made from silver or gold in a 100,000,000 Mile radius flinch and shatter to pieces.

* * *

_**Gohan's Place…**_

"Here you go, Gohan," Videl said and gave Gohan his dinner. Gohan picked up his new spoon and _tried _to dig in, but somehow, the spoon broke.

"Well, that was something. Guess I don't know my own strength!" Gohan exclaimed happily, but Videl was not so happy.

"Gohan! That spoon was a gift from my father. It was made from pure gold! 24 carrot gold!! I'll kill you for breaking it!!" Videl shrieked and got out a frying pan…

… Chichi's frying pan…

… How did that thing get here, I don't know…

Gohan gulped and ran out of the house, but not before getting whacked on the head by the frying pan.

"And don't you come back without a new Golden Spoon!" Videl shrieked from behind.

* * *

_**The Beach House…**_

Raditz had used the smuggle money from Yamcha to buy Celera a Gold Necklace. He was finally going to ask Celera to marry him… Saiyan Style. On Earth, you give a Diamond Ring, but on Vegeta, you used to give a Gold Necklace.

He knocked on the door. Celera opened it, "Here Celera, a gift for you," Raditz said, giving Celera the box, "Tell me if you like it, I'm going to ask you something if you do,"

"Aww thanks Raditz!" Celera exclaimed and opened the box to find…

… A Golden Necklace…

… A _broken_ Golden Necklace…

…The Saiyan sign to say that 'I Hate You'.

Celera just stared at it for a few minutes. Raditz was getting impatient so he too stared at it. What he saw sent shivers up his spine. The Necklace that he 'worked' so hard to buy was shattered to pieces. But that wasn't the thing that worried Raditz. Yamcha wasn't going to give up Mushroom Burgers anytime soon, and he worked in a Fast Food Joint, so he could easily buy another Necklace. The fact that troubled him was what it stood for in Saiyan Language.

Celera exclaimed, "OH! SO YOU HATE ME! YOU WANT ME TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE!! I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE MR! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S GOING TO LEAVE!!"

Then, out of nowhere, Celera pulled out something that could make any sane person wet his pants…

…Chichi's Frying Pan…

Yup, you certainly didn't see that coming! Then again, neither did I… Never mind.

"Yikes!" Raditz exclaimed, but before he could run, he got whacked on the head, and was sent flying to who-knows-where. As he was sent packing, Raditz finally noticed something about Celera – her hair was golden, and her eyes were emerald.

"Not another one!" was the last Raditz said before he disappeared into the vastness of space.

* * *

_**Back to Chichi and Goten…**_

Goten, untouched by the problems he was causing his family members, continued to smile brightly, and gobble up anything that he set his eyes on. The Fast Foods that Dad brought home were delicious, but nothing could be more delicious than Chichi's cooking.

After gobbling up his meal, Goten went to his room to play his video games.

* * *

_**In the forest…**_

Bardock and Goku had gone hunting. Bardock noticed something in the trees. Remember in the last chapter when I mentioned about Yamcha's nightmares, I said that I thought my own nightmares were bad. Bardock pulled out something from thin air to whack who he suspected was in the tree. Well, this was what gave me those nightmares.

Chichi's Frying Pan…

Ohhhhhhh, come on!

Bardock held up the Nightmare Inducer, which, when Goku saw it, got unconscious and collapsed. Bardock then through it at the trees and out came the second thing that gave me my nightmares, and I'm probably guessing the way KidGoku13 reacted to my review, she too had the same nightmares about this character…

Ms. Tammy.

She fell out the tree as the Frying Pan hit her in the head. That's what I always say, "Fight Fire with Fire," and "Fight a Nightmare with a Nightmare!"

Bardock picked up Goku, and the dinosaur he had just hunted, and left for the beach house, muttering that it was enough hunting for the day and cursing Tammy, who was left there unconscious, with stars buzzing around.

* * *

_**Somewhere by a cliff, later that night…**_

Gohan was sitting at the cliff, thinking about what had just happened to him, when he heard a loud scream and suddenly, Raditz came out of the sky and landed beside Gohan, on his bottom.

Ah… the wonders of Animation and/or FanFiction.

"What are you doing here?" Gohan asked.

"(Sigh) The woman I loved kicked me out of my house with a Frying Pan. What happened to you?" Raditz answered and then asked.

"The same thing that happened to you," Gohan replied, "I somehow need to get myself a Golden Spoon,"

"I need to think of a way to make Celera like me again," Raditz said. Then, a light bulb lit up in Raditz' empty brain.

"Listen, maggot! If you can use that know-it-all mind of yours to think of a way to please Celera, than I can introduce you to a person (A/N: Yamcha,) who can help you raise enough money to buy a 24 Kakarot spoon. Heck, you could buy a 25 Kakarot Spoon!"

"Uh… you do know that it's 'Carrot' not 'Kakarot', right?" Gohan asked.

"Well, in Saiyan Tongue it is! That's what my brother was named after. Apparently, they thought he was as good as gold,"

"I guess that turned out to be true, because Dad was the first Super Saiyan, and a Super Saiyan's primary color is Golden!" Gohan exclaimed in his infamous now-it-all voice.

"Whatever! Are you in, or are you out, Nephew Brat?" Raditz asked.

"I'm in, Uncle Duffer!" Gohan exclaimed.

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

* * *

**Author's Note: **Wow, my longest chapter! Who-hoo!


	8. A Hot French Fry

**Dragon Ball Z**

**Three and a Half Saiyans**

**Chapter 8: A Hot French Fry**

Son Gohan now lived with his Grandfather, father, uncle and brother, in the Beach House. It's a miracle how a small Beach House could fit so many people plus Celera.

Speaking of Celera, she had demanded that Raditz be kicked out of the house, with her being the one who makes the kick, but Bardock had disagreed. So, Celera had taken a vacation to go to some spa. Now, Chichi, being the mother she is, had already taught Gohan how to cook, clean, whatever stuff maids or housewives are supposed to do, so he was the one taking care of everyone.

And that's where we find our Father-of-Goku today. Gohan had asked him to bring some things from the Grocery Store.

For some reason Bardock did not know, Gohan had asked him to get a packet of Mushrooms.

Now here's the plot, Ms. Tammy was also there, and for once, she WAS NOT stalking Bardock. That's right, you heard me. Tammy WAS NOT stalking Bardock. She was BEING A NORMAL HUMAN for once, and had gone shopping.

And it WAS A COINCIDENCE FOR ONCE that she had ended up in the same place as Bardock.

Man, I'm full of surprises, now aren't I?

Please, please, please, my dear readers, do NOT report me to KidGoku13 OC Corporation, that I'd made Tammy a normal human for once.

So, she had ended up in the same Grocery Store that Bardock had been.

Now, there was only one can of Mushrooms available today, and both Bardock and Tammy wanted it. So, they both reached out simultaneously to the can, and both hands ended up grabbing it.

Bardock looked at the person to whom belonged the other hand, and so did Tammy.

Tammy saw Bardock.

Bardock saw Tammy.

"TAMMY!?" Bardock exclaimed, frightened.

"Bardock!!" Tammy exclaimed lovingly.

"Are you stalking me again, woman?!" Bardock demanded.

"For once… no, I'm not!" Tammy sighed.

"Oh, really? Well that's good… weird, but good." Bardock said. Then he noticed Tammy's eyes. Her left I was covered by an eye patch, you know, like those that Pirates wear?

"What's with the eye patch?" Bardock asked. He wanted to know what was it that beat _him_ into injuring Tammy.

"Oh, well (Blushes from embarrassment) I don't wanna talk about it,"

"Tell me," Bardock glared. And this wasn't just any ordinary glare; it was a glare of Saiyan Pride. And Tammy, being the pathetic human she was, didn't stand a chance for it. After correctly deducing the eminent danger she faced, the Deranged Teacher finally spat out the cause of her eye patch usage:

"I accidentally poked my eye with a hot French fry."

Dude… wow… and I thought I was the only one to do that… err, you didn't just hear me say that…

As you can already imagine, that was the last thing that Bardock had expected. From all the months of physical damage he had caused the woman, never had she needed to wear some kind of bandage for it. That had caused many a sleepless night for the Father-of-Goku, considering he prided himself on being the only Full-Blooded Saiyan other than Goku or Vegeta (Not counting Broly) who was able to go Super Saiyan.

Even more troubling was how Tammy could be beaten to a bloody pulp one moment and the next being completely unharmed.

How a French fry had accomplished in one moment that he or his "Super Saiyan Powered: Tammy Death Cannon" hadn't been able to in several months since he had come back to life, he had no clue; but he did know one thing…

He needed get his hands on that French fry.

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

* * *

**Author's Note:** Short, very short, I know. But I just wanted to update this so I didn't have to keep you guys waiting. BUT, if you REALLY want to blame someone for the shortness, than blame KidGoku13. This is revenge for HER OWN chapters being so short.

Also, I now have my very own Disclaimer Buddy! Not that I do Disclaimers, but I decided to anyway. Allow me to introduce you to my sister, who claims to be a Dark Half of my Soul: **Yami-Vegetto**.

**Yami-Vegetto: **Hi.

**Me: **Starting next chapter, she'll start doing Disclaimers.

**Yami-Vegetto: **Not that I gave you much of a choice in the matter.

**Me: **Yeah, I didn't have a choice, because you threatened me with that picture. Now GIVE ME THAT PICTURE!!

**Yami-Vegetto: **(Innocently) What picture?

**Me: **YOU KNOW, THE ONE IN WHICH I POKED MY EYE WITH THAT FRENCH FRY!!

**Yami-Vegetto: **Oh, that one? Sorry, but I already emailed it to all your friends.

**Me: **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!


	9. The SuperPink Interrogation

**Dragon Ball Z**

**Three and a Half Saiyans**

**Chapter 9: The Super-Pink Interrogation**

**Me: **Yo!

**Yami-Vegetto: **What took ya so long!?

**Me: **I was doing YOUR chores, because YOU ran off. Now shut up and do your work!

**Yami-Vegetto: **I or my brother does not own Dragon Ball Z. If we did, I'd marry Bardock.

**Me: **OH NO! I am not gonna put up with Pinky as a brother-in-law!

**Yami-Vegetto: **Pinky?

**Me: **You'll see. (Snickers)

**

* * *

__****In the basement of the Beach House…**

Bardock was sitting on a on a chair, and glaring at a mysterious figure at another chair. He wore a brown trench coat, and a detective hat. On the chest pocket of his trench coat there was a badge that read:

"**Bardock Holmes, French Fry Detective**"

And THAT, brings us to the mysterious figure that Bardock was interrogating. It was a bag. A bag was sitting on the chair. It was red colored, and medium sized. On it there was written in bold letters:

"**K&N's Instant French Fries; Deep Fry for Two Minutes, and you got a Good Snack!**"

"I'll show you, good snack," Bardock muttered. "Now, I'm gonna say this once, so hear and pay attention!!" Bardock bellowed at the French Fry Bag, "I DEMAND to know that HOW you injured TAMMY!!"

"………" was the sound that came from the bag.

/CRICKET CHIRPS SOMEWHERE IN THE BACKGROUND/

"Ah, so you don't think I'm threatening enough, huh?" Bardock smirked his evil smirk. "THEN TRY THIS: AAAHHHHH!" Bardock transformed into a Super Saiyan.

"Now, I am a Super Saiyan!! The strongest being in the galaxy!! Now you WILL tell me how you INJURED Tammy!!" Bardock said.

"_**Oh, you think you're the strongest being in the galaxy, huh?**_" The bag asked.

THE BAG _ASKED_!! SINCE WHEN DO BAGS TALK!! Yup, that's it, I'm losing it.

"W-what?" Bardock asked. He was currently crazy by the fact that Tammy had been hurt by someone that was NOT him, so he didn't give a damn if bags could talk or not. He was just surprised at the Bag's words. Suddenly, the Bag glowed. It was a dark room, so the glow was quite noticeable. There was a golden aura around it too.

"WHAT?!" Bardock exclaimed.

"_**I am a Super Fry!! A being stronger than a Super Saiyan!**_"

"Impossible!! Nothing is stronger than a Super Saiyan! Well, try this then!! AAAAAH!!" Bardock transformed into a Super Saiyan 2. He glared at the bag and said, "This is what I call a Super Saiyan 2, an Ascended Saiyan!!"

"_**Oh really? Then try this! HYAAH!!**_" the aura of the bag increased, and electricity surrounded it. _**"I am now a Super Fry 2!!**_"

"WHY YOU LITTLE-!!" Bardock yelled, "HYAAH!!" then, his hair grew to his back and eyebrows disappeared, "Try the Super Saiyan 3!!" Bardock said in a lower voice.

"_**HYAAAAAAH!!" **_The Bag roared. Suddenly, the golden aura and lightning bolts increased tenfold. The bags **bold** letters became _italic_, too. "_**Now you are facing great-bagginess. I am a Super Fry 3!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!**_"

"NO!! I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT ANYTHING COULD BE STRONGER THAN A SUPER SAIYAN!! TRY THIS: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bardock yelled loudly as his hair became white, but they became wild and untamed, too. His shirt disappeared and his body was covered in _**pink**_ fur, including his tail. His eyes became red, with cat like slits for pupils.

"Now, I am a Super Saiyan 4, the true Legendary Super Saiyan!!" Bardock exclaimed, and then he looked at this _**pink **_fur, "Oh man!! I hate pink! I knew everyone's fur, eyes and hair color in Super Saiyan 4 is different, because Kakarot's was red fur/yellow eyes/black hair, Prince Vegeta's was crimson fur/blue eyes/brown hair, and Gogeta's was brown fur/blue eyes/red hair. My hair and eyes are fine, but why do _I _have to get PINK FUR!! Does Kami-sama hate me?!" Bardock cried anime tears.

* * *

_**Somewhere in a Waterfall…**_

Piccolo, the Super Namek who merged with Kami, smirked. "Of course I hate you. You were the one who beat me in a game of cards last week, remember?" he said.

* * *

_**Back in the Basement, I mean, the interrogation room…**_

"ANY-way! Back to business!! (Looks at bag of fries) So, what do you think! Now I am stronger! So spill it!! How did you hurt Tammy?!" Bardock asked.

"_**Well, **_**pinky,**" the bag said, putting emphasis on the word 'pinky', causing Bardock's face to turn a whole new shade of red to rival the pink-ness of his fur. The bag continued, "_**I can say that I had not expected this. I'll let you know, that the full blooded French Fries have a transformation known as Super Fry 4, but a half-breed, like me, cannot achieve it, just like it goes with your Super Saiyan 4. Unfortunately, my mother was Tomato Ketchup. You can just imagine how well my parents got along with each other now, can't you. Anyway, I never give up, especially to a pinky-monkey, like you! So I'll self destruct now!!" **_

"WHAT?!" and before anything else happened, the bag blew up, scattering burnt French Fries everywhere. "NO! Now I'll have to steal another bag from Gohan!! CRAP!!" Bardock said as his _pink _transformation reverted.

Just as he left, we could hear snickering coming from behind the chair in which the bag was sitting. Then we see a Kid-Goku and a Kid-Male-Bulma laughing their asses off. Then they high-fived and Trunks said, "Man that was the best prank in my life!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!"

"You can say that again, Trunks! That idea was ingenious!" Goten exclaimed and started rolling on the ground laughing.

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

* * *

**Me: **Wow, I finished that chapter in 15 minutes! That's a new record!!

**Yami: **How DARE you give my future-husband Pink Fur!!

**Me: **You gotta say he looks good with it.

**Bardock: **I DO NOT!!

**Me: **Whatever. Hey Bardock, would you marry my sister?

**Bardock: **Sorry, but I'm Fasha's and only Fasha's.

**Yami: **(Cries anime tears)

**Me: **Thank Kami.

**Piccolo/Kami: **You're welcome.

**Yami: **Well, Bardock, there's only one option left for me now!

**Bardock: **What's that?

**Yami: **JOIN FORCES WITH TAMMY!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

**Bardock: **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I got a French Fry!

**Me: **(Whispers to Bardock) she's not afraid of those. Try Chicken Nuggets.

**Bardock: **(Whispers back) Thanks.


	10. Shopping Mall Chronicles

**Dragon Ball Z**

**Three and a Half Saiyans**

**Chapter 10: Shopping Mall Chronicles**

**Author's Note: **Hello folks! Long time no see, er… write/read! Well the only good excuse I have is that, well, school kills.

**Yami: **It isn't pretty hard to me.

**Me: **I'm a grade senior to you, so can it!

**Bardock: **Uh… guys? What's a school?

**Me: **I guess on Planet Vegeta they called it 'Killer Academy'.

**Bardock: **Oh yeah. Brings back my 'cool kid' memories.

**Yami: **Excuse us?

**Bardock: **When I was in Killer Academy, all the fan girls used to throw themselves at my feet, literally!

**Me: **What'd you do?

**Bardock: **_(smirks) _I stepped over them, literally.

**Me: **Nice…

**Yami: **NOT NICE!! I'm a fan girl! You won't step over me, will you?

**Bardock: **Of course I will… when it comes down to it.

**Yami: **_(wide-eyed)_

**Me: **Just do the stupid disclaimer, and get out of here!

**Yami: **Mirai-Vegeto does not own Dragon Ball Z or anything else related. He also doesn't own DC Comics and Ice Age (film). Toodles! _(Disappears)_.

* * *

_**A few weeks later…**_

Videl and Celera had become quite good friends. How? Because I made 'em that way!! Anyhow, today, we find the two women in a Shopping Mall, with Gohan and Raditz hot on their trails, looking for the cheapest excuse to get near them and apologize. So far, no luck

Wait a minute… Videl in a Shopping Mall? I'm losing it.

As The Gold Busters – which Raditz and Gohan had named themselves due to the reason they ending up girlfriend/wife-less was a golden spoon/necklace – waited patiently for any kind of mishap to happen that they could fix and win the hearts of their loved ones back, a muscular blond man came outta nowhere.

Whoa. That's a _really_ long sentence.

"Hello, Videl. Long time no see!" the man called.

* * *

_**With the Gold Busters…**_

"Hey, who's the armpit?" Raditz whispered.

"Oh great, it's him…" Gohan replied.

"Him who?"

"The Grim Reaper," Gohan muttered sarcastically.

"If that guy's supposed to be the Grim Reaper, then I am the night! I am vengeance! I AM BATMAN!!"

"Shut up, uncle duffer. It's a 'friend' from school."

"…………… What's a school?"

* * *

"Sharpner?" Videl asked.

"In the flesh! So, where's nerd-boy?"

"I kicked him out," Videl stated rather bluntly.

"Oh well when you see him—YOU DID WHAT?!"

"Hey, am I supposed to know him?" Celera asked, though she was ignored.

* * *

"Wait a second… how do you even know who Batman is? You're from Vegeta!" Gohan asked, eyeing his uncle suspiciously.

"I… er… uh…"

"Does that mean the place is vacant for me?!" Gohan heard Sharpner ask enthusiastically.

"The nerve of that jerk-face!" Gohan exclaimed, "No body hits on my wife while I'm around!"

"I smell a fight…" Raditz said, "Now where can I get popcorn?"

"HEY SHARPNER!!" Gohan called.

"What the--?" Sharpner did a double take, "Nerd? What are you doing here?"

"Gohan?" Videl asked.

"Oh, I was just shopping for a few supplies, and I couldn't help but overhear what you just said to my wife."

Sharpner started sweating.

"And since we're separated, and not divorced, you deserve something in return from me." Gohan stated in monotone. He's pretty OOC today, huh? Well, a bang on the head with your mother's (deadly) frying pan by your wife tends to do that to you.

"I-I-I do…?" Sharpner asked in a squeaky voice.

"I feel a Readers Digest moment coming on," Raditz muttered in the background, "Pity I'm not a subscriber…"

"Yes, _this_." Gohan immediately went Ultimate Gohan, and punched Sharpner in the face, knocking a few teeth out and sending him flying into space.

* * *

_**With Sharpner…**_

Flying around the Earth at light speed was stated impossible by Albert Einstein. Similarly, a Super Saiyan is stated fiction by common sense. But Dragon Ball Z doesn't follow that code, does it? Since he was flying around the Earth faster than the speed of light, Sharpner ended up time traveling to…

The Ice Age!

DUN, DUN, DUN!!

"Hey, Manfred, who's the weird-looking ape?" a Sabertooth tiger asked a Mammoth.

"How am I supposed to know, Diego?" Manny replied, "He just fell outta the sky!"

_**TO BE CONTINUED…**_

* * *

**Author's Note: **That's that. Raditz has something mysterious going on that he's hiding (with DC Comics involved), Ultimate Gohan is jealous, and Sharpner ended up in the Ice Age Movie Continuum! Will order be restored? Probably not!

**Bardock: **Hey! I wasn't even mentioned!!

**Me: **I know! But don't worry. The next chapter is based on you and Kakarot! I promise!

**Bardock: **It better be…


	11. Warped Pt 1: Insanity

**Dragon Ball Z**

**Three and a Half Saiyans**

**Chapter 11: Warped Pt. 1: Insanity**

**Author's Note: **Hey guys! I thought that if KidGoku13 made a small adventure series between her story An Ordinary Family, why couldn't I? So, I thought up this amazing idea! Of course mine still doesn't lose the funny touch to it with the tragedies.

**Mirai-Vegeto: **To be more specific, he parodied an episode of the Justice League Unlimited animated series.

**Me: **Nobody asked you, so shut up. Oh, yeah. I forgot to state that I gave the Mirai-Vegeto PenName to my sister and shall now be known as Xenonwing. Disclaimer please.

**Mirai: **My lame excuse for a brother does not own DBZ or anything related. He also doesn't own Ice Age, DC Comics or any other copyrighted material associated within the fic. He doesn't even own the humour, I do.

**Me: **That's a lie and you know it.

**Mirai: **And I also know that I've recovered from my idiotic behaviour for fangirlism… though I still don't see why you people fear it so much.

**Me: **(Shows a picture of Goku half naked in a swimming pool) This ought to work.

**Mirai: **(Drools, grabs picture and runs out of the room)

**Me: **I love doing that to her.

* * *

**(165 years from now)**

A brown-haired man in a scientist's outfit sat doing work in his lab. He added a thingamajig to a doohickey and bingo!

"Yes! Yes! I did it! I DID IT!!! I _finally _invented a Time Machine!" And he danced around in his lab for a whole 50 minutes before someone kicked open the door.

The _**Garage **_Door. That guy was so lame he had to do his lab work in the garage!!!

"Gus!" the voice of a _dangerous _woman bellowed, "What're you doing in here?! I told you to do something useful with your life!"

The man – now identified as Gus – turned around in a flash and grinned at the woman. "I did it, Delia! I did it! Look at this!" Gus held up a big grey belt and showed it to her. There were many different functions around it, most notable by the blinking lights, and the clock at its centre.

"Good. You did something useful; knitted a fancy belt. Congrats, NOW GET YOUR ARSE TO WORK!!!"

Gus sighed, "Delia, Delia, Delia. You and your mind of a simpleton. A scientist must learn to look underneath the underneath (1). I don't know whether this applies for _wives _of scientists, but what the heck? Please, this is more than just a belt. This is a… a Warp Belt!" Gus exclaimed, naming his invention in the process.

"Warp Belt? Are you _ever_ going to learn that your childish fantasies won't work?!"

"Oh, but this one does, Delia. Look at this!" Gus put on the Warp Belt. He pressed a button and immediately the clock started spinning, before a ray of blue light shot forward and formed a circle in mid-air. Inside the circle, was a picture – no, a _video _of a Tyrannosaurus Rex eating another small dinosaur. The video shifted, turning into one with a Mammoth, a Sabertooth tiger, a Sloth and a… muscular blond human in a High School Baseball Coach uniform…?

It shifted yet again, turning to when a boy with golden hair beating the crap outta the legendary monster Cell. Wait, that wasn't in any of the History books? It shifted _yet_ again, to the first appearance of the Great Saiyaman in Satan City, before changing to one where a man in a blue-and-orange _gi _with the same blonde hair and green eyes pummelling the ass of big pink monster.

"Ya see?"

"I don't believe it… So, what're you going to do with it?" Delia asked in a dazed voice.

"I… have no idea."

Delia's eyes widened at first before the narrowed and face shifted into countless colours before barking out, "YOU INVENT A TIME MACHINE AND CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING USEFUL TO DO WITH IT?!"

Gus clenched his teeth so hard it was a miracle they didn't break, "I'll tell you what: I could use it to get away from you!"

And so, Gus pushed button on the side of the belt and disappeared into the time stream.

* * *

**(Present)**

Super Saiyan Bardock and Super Saiyan Goku were sparring with all their might.

"C'mon Dad, you're getting slow!" Goku laughed.

"Shut up, Kakarot! **Final Revenger**!!!" Bardock launched his signature move at Goku.

Goku patiently waited for the move to come. Just as it were a few metres apart from his face, he ascended to Super Saiyan 2 and knocked the beam aside by the simple slap of his hand.

The beam went crashing on the other side of the forest.

* * *

**(Somewhere in the Forest)**

"_Ooh! Bardock is sooooo hot!!!" _Tammy thought as she watched the fight in the air with her Capsule Corp digital binoculars. What she didn't realize was that the tree she was hiding in was in the exact centre of where the Final Revenger was planning to land.

When she did realize…

"Parental guardian of all demented fangirls!!!"

/KABOOM/

* * *

**(20,000 years ago)**

"So, you're saying that you're 'The Sharpenator', a human who was thrown into the air by a half-human-half-alien and then somehow ended up in the 'Last Glacial Period', the latter being the lesson you slept through in History class?" Manfred asked.

"Yup." Came Sharpener's to-the-point reply.

"You're insane."

"I am not!!!"

"Then how come you know this is the 'Last Glacial Period' if you slept through that class?"

"I don't know. It was Xenonwing and Mirai-Vegeto's idea!"

"Hmm, yeah that is a valid point. But then how…" And the discussion continued.

In the background, Sid the Sloth's eyebrows knitted together in confusion… though I'm not entirely sure whether Sloth's have eyebrows, but I disgress, "Hey, Diego. What's 'Alien' mean?"

"I can't tell you that. Humans aren't supposed to develop the concept of life on stars for at least another 8000 years." Diego replied.

"Oh, so aliens are people who live on the fireflies in the skies?"

Diego sighed. "Yes, yes Sid. They are."

* * *

**(Present, Son Family Training Room, Beach House)**

"Well, that was… adrenaline rushing." Bardock commented as he walked inside the training room they had asked Bulma to build for them underneath the Beach House.

"Yeah!" Goku grinned as he handed his father a towel and they both wiped the sweat of their faces.

"You still did cheat, though."

"Huh?"

"You used the Ascended Super Saiyan. We _agreed_ not to use that."

"And I didn't. The Ascended Super Saiyan is the Super Saiyan 2nd Grade! Super Saiyan 2 is the Ascended Saiyan! No 'Super' in it."

"Trickster… I guess you inherited that from your mother. Wait a minute… since when can _you _be smart enough to do that in the first place?!" Bardock asked, his eyes wide as saucers.

Goku seemed to consider the question as he put a finger on his chin in thought. "I have no idea."

Bardock sweatdropped.

Suddenly a there was a huge flash of light. Bardock and Goku shielded their eyes as a portal appeared out of nowhere and a man stepped out.

He was dressed in what appeared to be shining golden armour. In the middle of the armour was a fancy belt with blinking lights. He wore a golden knight's helmet on his head, with a glass visor. Underneath the golden armour was black jumpsuit.

"Who in the name of the Golden Oozaru is this guy?" Bardock wondered out loud.

"Hey, mister! What're you doing in our Training Room? And what's with the fancy uniform?" Goku asked.

"What?" Gus said, "I must have miscalculated somewhere. I was certain that the legendary Saiyan protectors of Earth, Bardock and Kakarot, were doing their training out in skies… and at the same time blowing up distraught fangirls. I must look out for that zero error in the future… of course I have the entire time stream under my control. It doesn't matter if I look out for it in the future, past or present. Heh, heh."

"Uh… riiigght. Hey, Son, did you catch that?"

"Nope."

"Thought so," Bardock's eyes narrowed at the golden stranger, "Hey, you! Are you insane?! What're you doing teleporting into our Training Room, chuckling, and talking to yourself?! This isn't a Rehabilitation Centre!"

That snapped Gus outta his thoughts, "Huh? Well, I came here from 165 years from the future to steal the legendary Green Saiyan Battle Armour!"

Both Bardock and Goku – yes, even Goku! – stared at him with a deadpanned expression.

"Hey, Dad! Maybe we can redecorate the place and call Bulma's Mom here. Would that make this that Rehabully Tation Circle thingy you're talking about?"

"Yeah. I always thought that woman would make a great Psychiatrist. And this guy needs his counselling. Bad."

"Oh, so don't believe me, why don't you?! I'll show you!!!" Gus reached out towards the side and grabbed Bardock's spare Saiyan Armour, and jumped back into the still existing portal – which after he went through it starting shrinking.

"Hey! I just had that dry cleaned!" Bardock exclaimed as he jumped into the portal.

"Hey, what's all the racket?!" Goten exclaimed as he came into the room. His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates as he gazed at the shrinking portal, and hearing his father scream: "Dad! Wait for me!" and jumping into said portal.

"Coolio! A dimension hopping/time travel adventure!" Goten exclaimed as he too followed his father into the portal, just before it closed.

And the adventure begins!

**_TO BE CONTINUED… _NEXT CHAPTER: WARPED PT. 2**

**

* * *

**

And there you have it! Now don't forget to review!!!

(1) Naruto quote!


	12. Warped Pt 2: Cybernetics

**Dragon Ball Z**

**Three and a Half Saiyans**

**Chapter 12: Warped Pt. 2: Cybernetics**

**Author's Note: **Hey, guys. To all those Bardock lovers out there, I have a Christmas Present: **A Tribute to Bardock and Goku on Youtube. It's my first vid!**

**Please check it out, rate and comment: ****watch?v=1CftrVW9Ujw**

* * *

**(20,000 Years Ago)**

"Ow… ow… YEAOUCH!!!"

"Oh, man. That was a blast! Let's do it again, huh?" Diego asked, before realizing he sounded like an idiot. He cleared his throat and said, "I mean, uh… Can we torture those two again?"

Manny smirked. "Sure, go ahead."

Diego grinned like a tiger and proceeded to get Sid and Sharpner back up the cliff and… You get the idea.

"Merry Christmas, Sid and Sharpie." And down the two went.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

* * *

**(150 Years Later)**

The portal opened and Goku, Bardock and Goten landed face first into the pavement.

"Ow…" Bardock muttered as he rubbed his aching head.

"Wow! That was cool!" Goten grinned and started laughing happily.

"Son?" Goku inquired, "What are you doing here?"

Goten glared at his father and pointed an accusing finger, "How _dare _you go on a time travel adventure _without _taking me along."

Goku's eyes widened, "Time travel?! Oh no! Chichi's gonna kill me! Oh, God! Not the Frying Pan!"

Bardock sighed, "Kids these days."

They suddenly heard someone laughing. They turned to the side to see…

Holy crap.

Freiza, Cell and Cooler.

Genetically enhanced.

* * *

**(Somewhere else)**

"Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Gus laughed like a maniac while watching the fighters on the screen, "Ha, ha!"

"Hoo-hah, Gus. At least your evil laugh improved," Delia commented from his side in a bored tone.

Gus stopped laughing mid-way, "I am **not **Gus! I am Lord Warp, master of the space-time continuum!"

"Damn, I hate physics."

* * *

"Hello, Son Goku," Mecha-Freiza grinned, "Long time, no see."

"Freiza!" Goku called, "What are you doing here?!"

"Lord Warp stopped us from dying in our respective time-lines, brought us here and gave us more power by combining us with high-tech machine parts," Cell replied. "Or in Gayface's case, here: upgraded him."

"I am not gay!" Mecha-Freiza V2 yelled. He was ignored, as Mecha-Cell continued.

"These cybernetic enhancements are from way ahead into the future, Sons. They're over a million years into your future."

"In other words, you're screwed. Shall we, Super Saiyan?" Mecha-Cooler challenged Goku.

Goku growled. He transformed into a Mastered Super Saiyan and lunged at Mecha-Cooler.

"Well, if it isn't my dear Low-Class," Mecha-Freiza smirked, "Shall we dance?"

"You really **are** gay, aren't you?" Bardock smirked as he pulled out the blood-stained handkerchief of his comrades and fastened it on his forehead.

"**I AM NOT GAY**!!!" Freiza yelled and launched himself at Bardock.

"And where is my dear little Ascended Saiyan?" Cell wondered out loud, "Lord Warp informed me that the Son of Goku would be coming."

"Gohan isn't here, so how about you deal with his brother?!" Goten announced as he took his fighting stance.

Mecha-Cell raised an eyebrow, "Really? Brother? Well, you do look a lot like Goku. But I guess I'll go help Cooler. As if a brat like you could possibly be a challenge."

Goten smirked, "You just made the biggest mistake of your life; calling me a brat. HRAA!!!" With that scream, Goten transformed into a Super Saiyan, almost causing Mecha-Cell to piss his pants… if he had any pants, that is.

"But you're so young!" Cell exclaimed, but before he could do anything else, he was locked in a sparring match with Super Goten.

_**TO BE CONTINUED… **_**NEXT CHAPTER: WARPED PT. 3**

* * *

==**Christmas Special: Spider-Bardock==**

Bardock was calmly walking towards the Beach House, dressed in jeans, a red sweater, a red scarf. He carried firewood in his arms. It was Christmas and he strolled along the pathway humming Christmas Carols.

Suddenly, he stopped.

He waited.

Silence.

"My Tammy Sense is tingling!" he exclaimed and turned around.

"TAM-MYY-HAA-MEE-HAA!!!"

/KABOOM/

"MERRY CHRISTMAS BARDOCK!!!" Tammy's voice echoed as she went flying at Lightspeed to the opposite end of the Earth.

_Spider-Bardock, Spider-Bardock_

_Does whatever a Spider-Bardock does_

_Can he fight, can he fly?_

'_Course he can, he's a Saiyan_

_Look ouuuuuttttttt! Here comes the Spider-Bardock!!!_

_Is he strong?_

_Listen bud,_

_He's got Super Saiyan Blood_

_Can he swing from a thread?_

_No he can't, he ain't dead_

_Hey, therrrrrrreeeeee! There goes the Spider-Bardock!!!_

_In the chill of the night_

_At the scene of a Freiza_

_Like a streak of a Ki-Blast_

_He arrives to kick some ass_

_Spider-Bardock, Spider-Bardock_

_Friendly, Father-Of-Goku, Spider-Bardock_

_Murder and Destruction_

_He's ignored_

_Killing Freiza is his reward._

__

To him, life is a great big bang up

Whenever there's a Tammy-up

You'll find the Spider-Bardock!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MERRY CHRISTMAS

_AND A HAPPY NEW YEAAAAAAAAR!!!_

Now, don't forget to check out my video: Bardock and Kakarot – He Lives In You – Tina Turner Version:

w w w . y o u t u b e . c o m / w a t c h ? v = 1 C f t r V W 9 U j w (omit the spaces please)


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